


Guilty

by bakedsweetpotato



Category: The Originals (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-16 04:09:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11820927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakedsweetpotato/pseuds/bakedsweetpotato
Summary: Freya's initial cruelty to Keelin takes a toll on her and their relationship.





	1. Holding Back

It's 3 in the morning and Freya thinks it's 10 the night before. With her head hung low enough that her blonde waves fell around her face like curtains, the witch hovered over a dozen grimoires, each thick enough to knock her out cold if used as a weapon. Fortunately (or rather, unfortunately, depending on how you see it), there was no one up in this dusty bell tower but her.

She heaves a sigh and looks over at the window, clueless that the moon hanging in the sky had been there for more than just a couple hours. The absence of clocks helps her to focus; she was always sensitive to the endless ticking, however quiet the packaging promised the product to be. Watches felt constrictive against her wrist when she did magic, and of course her phone would be lost in the mess of wiccan materials scattered all over the place. Freya didn't mind. For once, she didn't have to worry about competing against time. All became quiet since Dominic’s death back at the compound party and her family seemed to be safe. Yet somehow Freya couldn't find it in herself to rest. She'd been honing her skills, gearing up for an unknown battle while everyone else celebrated. 

Thousand year old witch or not, Freya was still undeniably human. She might not have seen evidence of how late it was, but she certainly felt it in her bones. They ached and screamed for rest. Freya rolled her eyes, agitated by her body’s incompetence, and huffed as she finally surrendered to its demands. The candles surrounding her snuffed out with the wave of her hand, leaving little wisps of smoke in their wake. Casting a sideward glance at her small coffee table on the way to her cot, she frowned when she realised her phone wasn’t there. She spun round in search for it, already regretting blowing out the candles earlier. However, the darkness proved to be more helpful than she thought as a sudden brightness in her peripheral caught her eye. There was her phone, lit up on the bed. She must’ve thrown it there without thinking when she got back hours ago.

‘God, damn it.’ Freya muttered under her breath when she saw the time on her phone screen. The realisation seemed to only fuel her fatigue and she swore that if it weren’t for the multiple text messages stacked on her screen, she might have passed out right then. She did get into bed though; eyes glued to the screen, not bothering to grab a change of clothes. She curled on her side and pulled her make-shift blanket, which was really just a big piece of cloth, around her shoulders.

‘Keelin…’ She whispered unconsciously as her eyes skimmed over the words on her screen, breaking into a shy smile despite knowing there was no one else watching. They’d been spending every day together since they took her, perhaps that’s why Freya couldn’t seem to put a finger on when her feelings towards Keelin started to change.

She was mesmerised the moment they met, drawn to the fiery spark and warm brown eyes, but she never thought it’d be anything more than mere intrigue towards the new variable in the game. She didn’t hesitate to draw venom from Keelin, even with her screams tearing at her conscience; didn’t feel the need to care about a tool used for her family’s survival. She’d been through enough to know the fragility of relationships and figured the only ones worth holding onto were the ones sealed by blood. That’s why she fought tirelessly to protect her family, almost always neglecting herself in the process. 

It hadn’t been much of a problem before since Freya got her dizzy spells and hunger pangs in the bell tower most days, when she got too caught up in reading or practising magic. Away from prying eyes, even that of her family, no one really knew how hard Freya worked to keep danger away from the ones she loved. This all changed when she made a deal with Keelin and brought her along to New Orleans. They worked together endlessly in the bell tower, sorting a way to murder Marcel, and Freya remembers when she started to feel guilty for her initial cruelty. The chains had been removed but Keelin’s antidote against her wolf abilities prevented her from healing. The wounds Freya had treated just a few days before in the barn were fresh and raw again. Keelin had refused a second application of the magic treatment after seeing how quickly she healed the first time. She told Freya she wanted it to heal naturally, and despite respecting her decision, Freya wished she didn’t. Over the days, Freya gradually felt something akin to pain every time she caught sight of the wounds on Keelin’s wrists or the bruises on her body and hated herself for it more and more.

Keelin’s eyes lit up every time she found something that might be useful, but whenever she gripped Freya’s hands to gush about it, Freya found it difficult to concentrate. Somehow, it seemed as if Keelin was becoming as invested as she was to their cause. This gave Freya the strangest sensation in her chest and she would find her cheeks heating up instantly. Freya wonders whether this was the point everything changed. She shakes her head slightly and laughs quietly at herself for being confused about her own feelings. She hasn't admitted it out loud, but she sees things differently now; is certain she has actual more-than-friends feelings for Keelin, but can’t bring herself to really chase it. She’s afraid of facing it, of the possibility of rejection, and chooses to flirt and tease instead. They’ve been playing this not-so-subtle cat and mouse game for a while, and most times it seems that Keelin responds eagerly, even seems thrilled by Freya’s mild advances. Freya convinces herself she’s in over her head, and her mind spares no time in reminding her of the telekinetic pain inflicted and the friction burns on Keelin’s arms where blood once oozed because of Freya’s lack of compassion. It hurts her now, more than ever, even though it’s been weeks and Keelin seems more or less completely healed. She squeezes her eyes shut and roughly tugs the blanket to cover half her face, feeling the tears roll down her cheeks. She’d apologised to Keelin that day when Keelin was treating her head injury and Keelin had appeared more than ready to forgive her and move on, but Freya couldn’t shake this awful guilt that ate at her. She hates it, but doesn’t exactly want it to go away; thinks she deserves to feel this way for torturing Keelin in the first place.

She knows Keelin’s awake because she’s on an overnight shift at the clinic and would be able to respond to her messages if she replied then, but the ever familiar feeling of not being good enough for her sapped every last bit of energy Freya had and she found herself falling asleep even as her tears continued to fall. 

 

Keelin slips in a few hours later, a little after 6 in the morning, surprisingly alert despite the long night of work. She's happy to see Freya asleep, her heart feels warm watching the witch in her rare moments of peace. Keelin's grin turns into a frown as she steps closer, seeing the glisten on Freya's cheeks. Immediately, Keelin knew she'd been crying. Worry flooded her and she fought against the urge to pull Freya into her arms. Somehow Freya still seemed unable to commit to taking their relationship further, and Keelin feared that moving too fast would scare her away. She felt too much for Freya to risk that happening.

With a deep sigh, she turned to the closet to change out of her scrubs. As she started to button down the oversized checkered top that ran a little past her black shorts, she heard a grunt and the scrunching of sheets behind her.

Freya groans and forces herself into a sitting position, hands falling between her thighs, legs slightly apart and stretched out, blinking to gain her bearings. Her eyes blew wide as she saw a figure at the end of her cot turning towards her. Keelin stood staring back, hands lingering over the third button of her top, smooth skin just above her shorts revealed by the remaining undone fabric.

Freya swallows, feels like she should turn away but doesn't quite want to. Keelin sees her freeze, and her eyes twinkle when Freya licks her lips.

'You're back. When did you get back?' Freya looks down at her hands, feeling the blush creep up her sticky tear-stained cheeks. Her lids feel heavy and she suddenly remembers why.

Keelin crawls onto the end of the cot when she's done with her top, sitting with her legs tucked under in a semi-kneeling position.

'Just a while ago. I didn't want to wake you.' Her voice is gentle and Freya peeks up to see her smiling, realising that if she'd just move a little closer, Keelin would be between her legs. This has the pink in her cheeks deepening again and she has to look away to clear her throat slightly.

Keelin's confused and frowns to show it, not that Freya's looking. She wants to scoot closer, wants to ask about the night before, wants to thumb soothing circles onto Freya's back and hold her close, but Freya seems uneasy and Keelin doesn't want to make things worse.

'Did you get a good night's sleep?' She tries that instead, hoping Freya will open up on her own. Freya sucks in a breath, and starts to draw her knees towards her chest. A defensive stance, Keelin realises. She reaches a hand forward quickly and places it on Freya's calf softly but firmly.

‘Please don't shut me out.' She blurts, unable to stop herself, and Freya freezes immediately, tensing at the contact of skin-on-skin, the warmth from Keelin's palm. She should feel happy that Keelin cares, that someone finally cares, but all she sees are the faded blisters on Keelin's wrist and her tears fog even the vision of that.

When the first tear drops onto the white sheets beneath them, Keelin forgets all her inhibitions and moves forward, swiftly drawing Freya into herself. Freya clings on, arms around Keelin's waist and head tucked under her chin, letting her tears fall freely.

God, Keelin wished she could read Freya's mind then. Anger bubbling in her chest, she feels the wolf inside her wanting to emerge to kill whoever's responsible for this. Instead, she runs her hand down Freya's back and slips her hand just under the edge of her top, stroking the bare skin with her thumb gently. Her instincts take over and she forgets about worrying whether she's moving too fast for Freya. Thankfully, Freya doesn't seem to mind, even tugging Keelin closer, and raising her head slightly, breath ghosting over Keelin's neck. Keelin purses her lips and raises her unoccupied hand to tuck the hair falling over Freya's face behind her ear before running her hand down Freya's arm. Freya sighs, collecting herself as Keelin soothes her patiently.

It's not long before light starts to stream in through the window panes and Freya waves a tired hand that both draws the shutters close and the blanket over them as she weaves a leg between Keelin's to pull herself closer, burying her face further into Keelin's neck. Keelin's surprised by Freya's boldness, as if it's natural that they're tangled in bed like this. She waits in silence to give Freya the space she needs and it's a while before Freya actually speaks up.

'Thank you...' she mumbles against Keelin's neck, lips brushing over Keelin's collarbone, and Keelin's breath hitches before she can reply. She's afraid her voice will be too loud if she speaks and Freya will pull away, so she keeps her silence and brings her hand up to cradle Freya's cheek, thumbing away the remnants of tears. She watches as Freya takes her hand in her own and turns it gently, staring at her wrist and reaching her fingertips forward, not quite touching. Keelin manages to put two and two together and feels a knot in her stomach when she realises that it’s her that’s got Freya in tears.

‘Freya…’ Keelin slips her hand into Freya’s and threads their fingers together. She draws her other hand from Freya’s back to tilt her chin up so that their eyes meet. Freya’s still slightly teary and her eye lids flutter like she’s afraid to look Keelin in the eyes. Keelin reaches out and brushes the stray hair from Freya’s face, pulling her in until they’re nearly nose to nose.

‘Freya,’ Keelin whispers again, then hears her own voice choke up when she continues, ‘please, please don’t tell me it’s because of me.’

Freya’s eyes dart up to meet hers at the break in her voice, worried she’s going to cry, but Keelin seems fine, just sad and full of genuine concern.

‘I know you said you’ve forgiven me, but it won’t go away… The guilt. It eats at me. Every time I look at you, I just…’ she trails off, shutting her eyes as she sighs. She squeezes her fingers around Keelin’s palm and holds on tight. Keelin can feel her trying to fight off the shame. She knew Freya’s apology was sincere the first time she said it, knows Freya would say it a million more times with just as much sincerity if Keelin had wished it so, but Keelin also meant it when she said she’d forgiven her. She just wished Freya could free herself from the guilt too. Seeing Freya a little less vulnerable than before, she figured she could lighten the mood a little and broke into a sly smile.

‘I guess we’ll just have to work on having more sweet moments for you to remember then, huh?’ Keelin teased.

Freya’s eyes flew open to stare at her, clearly reading into her statement. Keelin laughed softly at Freya’s expression, but something in Freya told her Keelin wasn’t joking entirely. She doesn’t know what sparks this courage but she snakes a hand around the nape of Keelin’s neck and leans forward until their lips brush, revelling in the hitch of Keelin’s breath.

‘I guess so,’ she breathes, and Keelin lurches forward to close the gap, clenching her fingers more tightly around Freya’s hand and using the other to grip onto Freya’s hip. She wants to be gentle. She tries, but all the emotions and desires she’d been keeping locked up gushes out at once. Keelin kisses her with longing, and passion, and deep, heavy breaths. Freya feels dizzy, but responds just the same, nails digging into the collar of Keelin’s top. She can’t help but let out a soft moan when Keelin’s hand travels up and under the rim of her top, staying on her bare waist, massaging circles into her skin. Keelin grins into the kiss, slowing it down now that she’s managed to convince herself this was actually happening. She pulls Freya closer even as she pulls away from the kiss, leaning forward to touch their foreheads. Freya lets out a shaky breath as she turns to look at their still-intertwined fingers. She releases her hold, causing a sinking feeling in Keelin’s chest. Keelin doesn’t want to let go but Freya slides her hand out of her grasp and spreads Keelin’s fist back open. Their open palms press gently against the other, fingers dancing lightly as Freya smiles to herself, nudging Keelin softly with her nose. Keelin feels her heart melt at Freya’s tenderness, plants a sweet kiss on the tip of Freya’s nose in response before nudging her back with a playful grin. Her smile fades away slowly.

‘Feeling better?’ Keelin asks, more seriously this time, and her fingers catch hold of Freya’s pinky.

‘You make everything infinitely better,’ Freya says honestly.

‘Freya… This- what just happened, what does it… mean for us?’ Keelin gathered all the courage she had to ask. She had made her intentions clear and was now just waiting for Freya's response. She hoped and prayed that she was making the right decision by putting her heart on the line.

‘What do you mean?’ Freya tilts her head to the side, detaching her forehead from Keelin’s, and Keelin swears her heart is breaking. If her look of absolute disappointment and devastation didn’t give her away, the tears did. They pooled in her eyes, threatening to fall, and Keelin pulls away completely, throwing the blanket off her so she can get off the cot. Freya instantly realises she’s said something wrong.

‘No, Keelin wait!’ Freya pleads but Keelin’s gone like the wind, using every bit of her wolf speed to get out.

‘No, no, no… God, no… What have I done?’ Freya can’t hold back the tears and feels herself choking on the sobs wrecking her body. The air leaves her lungs in spurts, and her eyes burn for the first time that day despite this being her third cry. She pushes herself off the bed but sinks right back down to the floor, can’t seem to hold her own weight. Reaching out for her phone on the bedside table, she frantically dials Keelin’s number, and is destroyed when it goes to voicemail.

‘Keelin, please. I didn’t mean it that way. Please please,’ she begged, ‘please come back. Or tell me where to go. Just tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this… I can’t… Keelin, I need you, please don’t leave me.’

She ends the message curled up against the side of the cot, gripping onto her hair, and head throbbing. How could everything have gone so right then so wrong so quickly? She dials again, and can't tell whether it's her or the entire room that's shaking when she can't get through anymore. Keelin had turned her phone off somewhere between the last call and the time Freya took to record the voicemail. Or worse, after hearing the voicemail. Freya digs at her skin and wants to scream but doesn't have the power to, so she crawls back into bed and weeps, heaving between breaths. Her brain yells at her that she's lost the most important thing to her besides family; that she's lost Keelin forever. Part of her, a huge, domineering part, fears she might never see Keelin again and replays the moment they had in bed over and over. Suddenly, working herself to exhaustion to forget about everything seems like both a decent escape and punishment.


	2. It Takes Time

Keelin runs to the bayou, the place of the wolves in New Orleans. She doesn't stop until she's reached deep in the woods. Eyes blurry from the tears, she falls against a tree and feels the bark scrape her skin, releasing fresh blood. She doesn't care. It's nothing compared to the inner turmoil she's feeling. How could she have been so stupid? She had let herself fall unreservedly for the witch, thinking the feeling was surely mutual. After all this time, how could Freya's first reaction to her hint of taking their relationship further be one of complete confusion; as if the thought had never even crossed her mind ever before? She rakes a hand over her eyes, wiping the tears, and inhales. She's never been one to cry.

The tinkling of her ringtone makes her jump and she fishes her phone out to stare at the screen. Of course it's Freya, she'd heard her call her name as she bolted out of the bell tower. She refuses to pick up, isn't ready to hear Freya let her down, gently or otherwise. She tenses at the thought and grips her phone. It's a little too hard and her phone is crushed, shattered glass drawing more blood from her palm. At least the ringing's stopped, she thinks.

Going back to the tower isn't even an option in Keelin's mind. She doesn't want to face Freya. In fact, doesn't want to face any of the Mikaelsons, not even little Hope who she's started to develop a real bond with. She decides to leave New Orleans because she knows she'll never get past this if she still sees Freya around. She doesn't have any family left, but she's got friends back in Austin and that's where she decides to head. After making a trip down to the Ninth to inform her supervisor that she'll be taking unpaid leave of absence from work for a while, she hurries off to the bus station. She tells herself she's just eager to get away but part of her knows it's because she fears Freya might come after her. Another part, a significantly bigger part, wishes she would, but doesn't believe she will. Keelin sets off, and despite her emotional instability, she finds comfort in her old friends and stays for days.

She chocks her time full of activities to shut out the persistent nagging at the back of her mind. The nights were harder; bedsheets a constant reminder of the pain. It's only when she's long drunk that she even allows herself to consider stepping into bed; though most nights she's so gone she’s barely able to think before falling flat onto the covers. She thought it'd get easier, but her pushing it away only caused the pain to hit harder when it came. It was a vicious cycle and Keelin couldn't see a way out. She'd never raised her hopes so high before, only to have it crushed so suddenly. She should hate Freya for hurting her this way, but she only blamed herself for getting attached and assuming Freya felt the same. And after that morning...

God. Why, why had Freya kissed her back? Keelin felt the frustration most when she thought of Freya using her to draw comfort in such an intimate way and yet expecting them to just forget about it. Keelin couldn't. She could still feel the warmth of Freya's embrace, the softness of her skin, her lips, her gaze. It was too much for her, to finally get what she'd been waiting so long for, only to have it stripped from her the next second. She's sure Freya doesn't care the way she does, and it kills her to know that.

 

She's wrong. Keelin couldn't be more wrong.

Freya dials every single day, hoping and praying that each time will finally be the time she picks up. She's just as lost as Keelin is, and feels entirely helpless.

She spends the first few days in the bell tower, partly due to fatigue and partly to give Keelin space. She doesn't want to force forgiveness from Keelin, so she waits and waits and waits for a reply. A reply that she soon found out would never come.

A week without Keelin responding has Freya feeling defeated, but this grows into worry and fear when she asks around and finds out that none of her family members have seen Keelin around town. She rushes to St. Theodora's clinic and feels her heart sink to the ground when they tell her Keelin's taken an indefinite leave of absence. A locator spell tells her Keelin's in Austin and she's on the edge of tears realising that Keelin's running away from her. From everything they've had here in New Orleans.

The next week rolls around and there's still no sign of Keelin. Freya does a locator spell a day, sometimes more when it's one of those days. She's relieved that she can locate her in Austin, which means Keelin's still alive, but Freya starts to think that maybe the wolf won't be coming back.

Freya's never been the type to give chase, has always been the one that's too busy to commit, too dangerous to love; but things are different now. She's had a taste of Keelin and now that she knows Keelin feels the same, she can't let her go. She won't. She decides against sending a letter by magic and opts for the more sincere choice of heading to Austin directly to win Keelin back. This time, she was going to be honest. About everything; and she'd leave her heart in Keelin's hands to cradle or crush, though she desperately wished it would be the former.

She’s a bundle of nerves the moment she hits the highway. What would Keelin say when she saw her? Would she even want to talk? Freya shook her head violently and stepped on the accelerator, adamant not to let her toxic thoughts rob her of the thing that makes her the happiest. She’s not running away, not this time. With a little magical speeding up, Freya makes it to Austin much faster than humanly possible. The place was beautiful, more concrete than she was expecting, but beautiful nonetheless. With the help of some magic, Freya locates Keelin by searching for the magical signature her ring gives off. The memory of the look of surprise on Keelin’s face when she took off the ‘leash’ that she’d planted on that very same ring came back to her. She felt butterflies seeing the literal switch in Keelin's perception of her and realised right then that she’s never wanted to prove herself more. So she fought, tried her hardest to show Keelin a softer side, tried to make up for the torment she caused previously.

That night when Keelin was treating her wound in the tower, Freya noticed how her body and brain reacted to every little thing she did. The sting of the antiseptic was masked by the chuckles she couldn’t hold back when Keelin teased her playfully; the dull, throbbing pain from the cut and the newly-formed bruise on her head were long forgotten at Keelin’s gentle touches. Perhaps it was the comfortable atmosphere in the tower that night, or the genuine concern from Keelin that day, but Freya apologises for everything. She needed for Keelin to know, needed to force herself to say it even if she’d hardly ever done it before, because it was her fault. Freya knows that she was to blame, and told herself it’s only right that she owns up to it. Hearing Keelin turn the shameful apology into a little joke to ease Freya’s own disappointment in herself made Freya’s heart skip a beat. They shared a look and Freya’s certain Keelin could see her blushing, so she looked down at her hands to compose herself. Those initial moments they shared, both holding a part of themselves back, waiting for the other to make the first move; she feels jittery and shy just thinking about it and shakes the thought out with a smile. She’s determined, now more than ever, to earn Keelin’s forgiveness for the second time.

 

It’s been two weeks since she’d left New Orleans and Keelin doesn’t know whether there’s a point in going back. After all, Freya’s really the only reason she’d wanted to stay in the first place. She thinks about heading back to her university to talk to her old professors about possible job opportunities. She knew witches had ways to communicate if they wanted to, but since she hadn’t received anything, she figured she’d lost any chance of a thing with Freya. Perhaps building a new life here might help her move on. 

She’d started trying to sober up without much luck, forcing herself to get past this despite the crumbling of her heart. She doesn’t think she’ll ever forget her time with Freya, but she sure as hell could pretend to. It’s the only way she’ll have even the slightest chance of getting her life back on track.

Keelin drops by the orphanage for the fourth time that week. The children are so pure and so loving, she easily finds not only acceptance but admiration as the little ones clamour for her undivided attention. She's swarmed the minute she steps foot through the door, the kids giggling and fighting to hold her hands. She gathers them in a little bunch on the floor around her and asks them how they're doing, patiently listening and nodding in smiles as they ramble like bullet trains, speaking over one another. It's noisy and slightly chaotic but she still catches a soft voice amidst all the screaming.

'Keelin...'

Keelin knows that voice anywhere and feels her heart stop. She turns in surprise to face Freya and it's too late to regret it. They both suck in a breath, feeling the weight of everything rushing in at once. It'd felt like forever since they'd seen each other, and Freya wants to hug her, wants a little more than that if she's being honest with herself. Keelin's torn to pieces. Everything she'd been trying so hard to suppress and forget was rising to the surface again, but a tiny part of her felt hope that she refused to let grow. She didn't want to be disappointed again, but she knew she couldn't outrun Freya forever if the witch was coming after her. The past two weeks had given her the time to breathe a little better, she felt like she was ready to finally hear what Freya had to say. Pushing herself off the floor, she excused herself from the kids who had all turned to look at the blonde stranger at the door.

Keelin tucked her hair behind her ear as she approached Freya slowly. They walk to the side and Keelin keeps her silence, looking away from Freya's eyes. 

'Keelin...' Freya was suddenly lost for words. She'd planned a whole speech in the car on her way to Austin but her mind was pulling a blank. Keelin couldn't take it anymore.

'Freya, if you're going to tell me you don't feel the way I do, just tell me. I can take it.'

'No!' Freya almost screams, desperate for Keelin to understand how much she means to her. She continues more calmly, 'you have to understand, Keelin, I've never been good with expressing myself.' She takes a step towards her and feels a little more assured when Keelin doesn’t back away. ‘I didn't tell you how I feel because...' she trails off and sighs, reaching for Keelin's hand as she lowers her head, unable to meet Keelin’s eyes. ‘You take my breath away, Keelin. Every time I look at you I feel butterflies.’ Her voice is barely a whisper now, and Freya steps forward to hug Keelin because she can’t bear the thought of losing her again. ‘When you left,’ her voice falters as she holds back the tears, talking into Keelin’s shoulder, ‘my heart broke… I instantly missed everything about you. I do feel the same, Keelin. I feel everything… for you. It's been so long since I've felt anything like this.’ Freya pulls away, wanting to show her sincerity with this last part as she looks directly into Keelin’s brown orbs. ‘I'm so so sorry, I messed up. Please forgive me.'

Keelin was stunned. She wasn't expecting this and her face says it all. She looks down and realises that she'd been toying with Freya's fingers in an attempt to steady her heart. Her hesitation scares Freya but Keelin's physical response of playing with her hands makes her smile. She's adorable, Freya thinks.

'Freya,' Keelin murmurs and breaks Freya out of her thoughts, 'the last few days have been absolute torture. I thought you didn't reciprocate my feelings, so I ran. I didn't want to hear the let's-just-be-friends speech because I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. Especially not after that morning, not after I experienced what a relationship with you could potentially feel like. I wanted it, Freya. I wanted you. So so much, more than anything.'

'Wanted...' Freya's face falls as she whispers to herself in disbelief, but Keelin catches it anyway.

'Want. I want you, Freya. I don't know exactly when I started but I want you now, and I'll want you forever.' Keelin was starting to feel like herself again. Strong, confident and determined.

Freya blushes, stepping into Keelin's space.

'Then you've got me. All of me. I'm sorry it's taken this long, I've been so afraid to commit. I never thought I'd be able to put anyone on the same level as my family, never thought I'd risk my life for anyone besides them, but I'd do anything to protect you, Keelin. You mean the world to me. I never thought I'd ever be able to bring myself to say this to anyone again, but I'm yours. Officially, at least. God knows you've had my heart for a decent while now.'

Keelin grins. She wants to kiss Freya, but is deep down still hesitant to make the first move, afraid of feeling rejected again. Freya seems to pick up on this and twines her arms around Keelin's waist, pulling her close. She leans her forehead against Keelin’s and takes a shaky breath.

'This is where we left off, where everything went wrong. I want to retry this, could you ask me your question again?' Freya murmurs.

Keelin shuts her eyes and sighs deeply.

'Please...' Freya nudges Keelin softly.

Keelin takes a deep breath.

'So... What does this mean for us…?’ Her voice comes out as a cautious whisper and she braces herself for the stab in her heart, expecting to feel the warmth of skin contact severed when Freya pulls away. It's not like that at all.

Freya tightens her hold on Keelin. It’s the moment she’s been waiting for and she feels the nerves fizzing inside her.

‘I want to be with you, Keelin. I want more than just the cryptic flirting. I’ve spent too long running away, too long holding myself back, and I’m done with it. I want to build a life with you, to hold you whenever you’re down, kiss you whenever I please. I want you, all of you, and if you’re willing… Will you please be my girlfriend?’

Keelin blinks. She’s speechless, can’t believe this is really happening, but manages to breathe a ‘yes’ before lips crash on her own. Freya kisses her deeply, with everything she’s got, and Keelin feels a unique warmth spread throughout her body. She could get used to this. They pull away, all smiles and shining eyes, and Freya laces her fingers with Keelin’s.

‘You make me so, so happy,’ Freya confesses.

Keelin's cheeks feel hot as she draws Freya into her embrace. They hear squeals and shrieks and break apart to look back at the door. The children were huddled together, peeking out of the room to watch Freya and Keelin, giggling to themselves.

Keelin laughs and Freya turns back into her, hiding the blush on her face.

A caretaker grins at Keelin and ushers the kids back inside to give the two some privacy. Before she closes the door behind her though, Keelin calls out.

'Nancy! Hey, I think I'll be going back to New Orleans for a while so I won't be able to drop by. I'll come back as soon as I can though.'

'No worries, thank you so much for your help these past few days! The kids really loved your company. You're welcome to return anytime. Bring along your friend too.' Nancy winks and waves before leaving to join the kids.

'Are you sure you want to go back to New Orleans?' Freya asks as she turns to look at Keelin. 

'Of course, that's where your family is.' Keelin answers simply, without hesitation.

'I know, but this place,' Freya gestures, 'Austin. It's your home, the first place you run to when you're down. That's got to count for something.'

You're my family now, home is where you are; Keelin considers saying but figures it's too fast and catches herself.

‘If I still had my family I’d stay here and try to make this long distance thing work with you, but I don’t, and I won’t take you away from yours. There’s just no way. I know how much you care about them, I won’t make you choose.’

Freya’s lips curve into a smile and she leans in to kiss Keelin again, holding it a tad longer than usual, savouring the sweetness. There's understanding in Keelin's eyes and unspoken gratitude in Freya's. They spend the day together, Keelin taking the lead to show Freya her all time favourite spots. They skip the beach, because Freya's not one for it, but hit up the rest. It's late too soon but they're so tired they don't mind.

Making their way to Keelin's apartment, they decide to stay for the night before heading back to New Orleans in the morning.

It's the first time she's been able to tumble into bed without alcohol, but Keelin leaves that out of their conversation. She's crazy if she thinks Freya doesn't notice the distinct scent of vodka and whiskey clinging to the walls and sheets, but Freya says nothing, climbing into bed with Keelin and cuddling up to her. She’ll make up for it, she tells herself, and fights past the pangs of guilt to lock lips with Keelin.

'Your room's nice,' Freya comments, twirling the end of Keelin's hair between her fingers.

'Hm,' Keelin looks around them. It's messy, really. There's books scattered around, some wolf-y, but most medical. The last time she'd been here before New Orleans, she was a fresh graduate. It was the morning Hayley took her. Everything looked the same as before. She'd spent countless hours preparing for her final exams, and partied the weeks after, wasting no time to clean up the place.

'You're such a liar,' Keelin chuckles, earning a grin from Freya.

'Well it's certainly not Elijah-standard, but compared to my place, and the fact that you've been away for a while, this is pretty decent.'

Keelin rolls her eyes with a laugh. It boggles her mind how this woman could turn two entire weeks of misery into contented bliss just by being present. She doesn't realise she's spacing until she feels the skin on her neck tingle. Freya plants light kisses at first, and smirks when a little nip causes Keelin to shiver in her arms. She sucks softly, feeling Keelin tense up.

'Freya...' Keelin moans, head thrown back slightly and fingers threading through the witch's blonde waves.

Freya licks the spot to soothe the redness before she looks up. Keelin cups her face and brings it up to meet hers. She leans forward, placing her hands on Freya's shoulders to push her back when she tries to reciprocate. Freya frowns, confused, but Keelin does little to explain. She stays that way for a while; close but not close enough, and Freya starts to feel something she can't decipher clearly. It's hurt or fear, possibly a mix of the two. She tightens her hold on Keelin's waist and Keelin's eye lids flutter in response, though her eyes seem distant.

Freya feels the panic grow in her chest and her mind is moving at a thousand miles an hour. Her irises flick to Keelin's lips and back up into those soulful brown eyes. She decides instantly. Her hands curl around Keelin's wrists to gently pry her hands off. Freya leans in. It's just her at first, there's no response, but Keelin melts into the moment before the burning in the corner of Freya’s eyes takes real effect. Freya runs her hands down Keelin's arms, hoping to give her some warmth as a form of assurance. She pulls away when it feels right.

'I'm sorry, for everything.' Freya takes Keelin's hand and brings it up to her lips, placing a kiss on her knuckles. Keelin smiles and says it’s fine, she’s just tired, but Freya knows better. Just give her time, Freya tells herself. She’s the one that did this, so she should be patient with Keelin.

Keelin’s happy, really actually happy that Freya is here with her, but she realises that the emptiness of the past two weeks isn’t gone quite as quickly as she thought it was. She doesn’t want Freya to worry so she tells her she just needs some rest and turns over and away from Freya, curling her legs up slightly as she shuts her eyes to fight off the inexplicable loneliness.

Freya stares at Keelin’s back, isn’t sure what to do. She reaches out but stops herself short, doesn’t know whether Keelin just wants space. She considers leaving the bed to sleep on the couch in the living room, but can’t bring herself to. She feels cold and tugs the blanket around herself a little more. Keelin lets go of her hold on her side of the blanket to allow Freya to pull more of it towards herself. Neither speak up, but both stay wide awake. An hour passes and Keelin’s still staring at the wall in front of her. A quiet voice speaks up in the deafening silence.

‘Do you want me to go?’ Freya asks softly, uncertainly, and waits for Keelin to say no. Keelin blinks and knows she should turn around to hold onto her, but doesn’t move. The seconds drag into minutes before Keelin feels the bed shift. She shuts her eyes and grits her teeth, swallowing the lump in her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can probably tell, I'm a fan of angst.


	3. Warmth

Freya sits on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest. She stares at the coffee mug on the table in front of her and feels her cheeks become wet. She doesn’t sniffle, doesn’t sob, but the tears just flow and flow and flow. Suddenly, she feels empty too.

Keelin’s enhanced hearing hones in on Freya automatically, afraid she’ll leave for real. Freya’s breathing is even, except for the occasional slight hiccup she tries to stifle. Keelin can feel the temperature in the room drop, and wonders if it’s Freya’s unconscious doing.

Another hour passes and Keelin doesn’t hear Freya move to lie down although her breathing is getting slower. She suspects that Freya probably fell asleep sitting, but is soon proven wrong. At the first sniffle, Keelin perks up her ears. It happens again and Keelin sits up, making sure to be quiet. As the blanket falls off her shoulders and onto her lap, she realises how cold it really is. The wolf in her protects her from temperature changes. Her blood gets warmer as her surroundings get colder so she doesn’t even notice the difference most times. Witches certainly don’t share this same ability and her mind flashes to Freya immediately. She turns to see a figure sitting on the couch, unmoving. She doesn’t have a blanket, doesn’t have magic blood and isn’t using her actual magic to keep herself warm. Seeing Freya this way wakes Keelin’s instinct to take care of her. She walks over with light steps and a blanket. The floor feels freezing against her bare feet.

Keelin comes up from behind her and lays the blanket over her shoulders gently. Freya doesn’t react. She makes her way around the couch and watches Freya from the side. Her eyes are glassy and unfocused, shoulders barely rising with every breath she takes. From her point of view, Freya almost doesn’t seem alive.

Keelin feels her heart ache. She takes a few steps forwards and lowers herself onto the couch next to Freya. There’s still no reaction from her. It’s as if Freya doesn’t even notice she’s there. Without the blanket around her, Keelin is more attuned to the dropping temperature and looks over at Freya who sniffles slightly but makes no other movement. Keelin turns to sit cross-legged, facing Freya. She reaches out for the corner of the blanket hanging off Freya’s shoulder and pulls it a little more securely around her. There’s still no response from the witch. She watches more closely and sees the tears streaking Freya’s face. They continuously fall, but it seems as though Freya doesn’t even realise. She sniffles again.

‘Freya, you’re cold. Come back to bed, okay?’ Keelin places a warm hand on Freya’s shoulder, but Freya just stares straight ahead. Keelin runs a hand through Freya’s hair, brushing her fingertips against her scalp lightly, hoping to snap her girlfriend out of her daze.

‘You’ll fall sick if you stay out here. Come on, let’s head back inside,’ Keelin coaxes, stroking her thumb along the spot just behind Freya’s earlobe. Freya leans into the touch slightly, and Keelin sighs in relief. Her hand drops to find Freya’s and she tugs softly, urging Freya to follow her as she stands and heads back to her room. Freya holds onto Keelin’s index finger like a child, and follows her clumsily. Keelin waits for her to climb onto the bed before she gently removes her finger and heads to the cupboard to get an extra blanket for Freya. It’s far too cold for her.

She returns to see Freya gazing at the ceiling. She seems so detached, it scares Keelin.

‘Here,’ Keelin lays the second blanket over Freya’s form, tucking the fabric just under her chin before slipping underneath, next to Freya. The next time she touches Freya, she notices that the witch is shivering.

‘Freya, you’re shaking. You have to stop dipping the temperature…’ Keelin wraps her arms around Freya and pulls her close, trying to share her warmth.

‘You’re not cold, why does it matter?’

Keelin’s taken aback at Freya’s words.

‘Of course it matters, Freya. You’re cold.’

Freya’s silent for a couple seconds and her next words pierce Keelin in the worst way possible.

‘You don’t want me here. So why am I still here, Keelin? Why can’t I leave?’

Keelin locks her hold on Freya by gripping her hands together.

‘Because you’re patient, and kind, and,’ Freya rolls her eyes, clearly disagreeing. Keelin sighs, ‘I don’t want you gone, Freya. I want you here, with me. I just need some time… The past few days… I haven’t been that way since my entire family was slaughtered. You…’ Keelin nuzzles her nose against Freya’s cheek. ‘You do things to me, Freya Mikaelson.’

Freya glances at her, eyes still dim and glazed over, but at least she’s responding.

‘I’m cold, Freya. Raise the temperature, please?’ Keelin lies.

Freya stares at her for a second but closes her eyes and immediately Keelin feels the shift.

‘So you’d do it for me, but not for you? Freya, you need to learn to take care of yourself.’

'You're better at it.' Freya mumbles, eyes back on the ceiling. 'Taking care of me,' she adds as an afterthought.

Keelin smiles despite everything and kisses Freya's bare shoulder softly. Freya tilts her head to look at her.

'I'm sorry I hurt you. Being rejected and feeling so defeated and lost just tore at a lot of old memories. Give me some time, okay? I promise I'll do better.'

'I don't need 'better', I just need you.' Freya lowers her head to bury it in Keelin's neck, nuzzling softly. 'I'm sorry for rubbing salt into your old wounds. If time's what you need...' Freya takes in a deep breath, almost doesn't want to continue, 'however long it takes. I'll wait.'

'But you have to promise me,' her voice rises slightly and she grips onto Keelin's hands, 'you have to promise you won't leave me.'

Keelin chuckles, leaning down to press her lips to Freya's temple.

‘And please… Don’t ask me to leave. I can't do it, Keelin. I can't...'

'I know,' Keelin cuts her off when she hears her breathing escalate. ‘I promise I won’t,’ she whispers just above Freya’s ear.

Freya sniffles a little again and huddles closer, forehead brushing against the spot on Keelin’s neck she’d teased earlier. Keelin shudders, unconsciously curling her hands into fists and shutting her eyes to take in the little spark of pleasure. It’s not enough, and Keelin craves the feeling of Freya’s tongue on her skin again. She figures her girlfriend could use some heat and distraction now anyway.

She starts slow, fingers slipping under fabric to meet soft, smooth skin. Under her top, along her waist, up her tummy… Keelin’s fingers glide over Freya in small circles, hoping to ease her into it. It works and Freya’s holding back moans in seconds. Keelin feels the temperature fluctuate again and smirks, knowing that Freya can’t seem to focus on the non-verbal spell she’s doing to warm the room back up. The semi-darkness diminishes their sense of sight but heightens everything else. Keelin relies on her touch and hearing to guide her. She feels every little hitch in Freya’s breath, whenever she hits a sensitive spot, and hears every single hushed moan Freya tries to suppress. She grins, doesn’t know whether Freya realises just how unbelievably adorable she is when she’s so hypersensitive to every touch from her. She decides to take it one step further.

Keelin lets one hand roam to the back and under Freya’s bra strap, unhooking it swiftly. Freya’s eyes snap open at the brush of Keelin’s hand just under her breast.

‘K-Keelin…’ she stutters, scrunching a fist into Keelin’s shirt when the wolf’s hand slips under her bra to tweak at her nipple. They’ve barely gotten anywhere but Freya feels like she’s falling apart under Keelin’s ministrations. It’s the ever-so-soft seductive touches and the deliberately slow and gentle way Keelin handles her. Every skin-on-skin sends a jolt down her spine and Freya finds herself twitching whenever Keelin gets a little too close to her soft-spots. Feeling Freya’s body react to her every move arouses Keelin to no end. She finds herself falling shorter and shorter of keeping up the easy-going pace, as her hands take on a life of their own.

Freya whimpers when she feels Keelin’s hand slip into her jeans, using her middle finger to rub slow circles into her clit through her underwear. She tightens her grip on Keelin and groans, can’t help but rock her hips back in response. She gasps loudly when Keelin suddenly pulls the wet cloth to the side, sliding a finger into her warm core slowly, but without warning.

‘God, Keelin,’ she moans with every thrust, eyes closed and brows creased from the pure bliss of Keelin in her.

Keelin adds a second finger when she feels Freya’s walls start to tighten around her. Freya's dripping wet, but as her breathing grows heavier and shakier, Keelin cruelly slips her fingers out, a grin on her face. Freya groans, moving to grab onto Keelin’s wrist in protest. Keelin smiles and suggestively licks the fingers that were in Freya just moments ago, closing her lips around them to savour the taste.

Freya swallows, feels slightly embarrassed yet inexplicably turned on. Keelin takes her by the chin and guides her forward to meet her lips. They kiss slow and sensual before the tongues come into play. Keelin dips hers into Freya, and Freya sucks on it lightly before letting it go. She can taste herself on the tip of Keelin’s tongue.

A button undone and a pull on denim are all it takes for Freya to be rid of her tight-fitting jeans. Keelin lifts the rim of her tank top and Freya slides out of it easily, along with her already unclasped bra. Freya feels slightly self-conscious, but brings her hands up and around Keelin’s neck, drawing her in for another kiss. Keelin complies, hands exploring Freya more freely. Her hands run from Freya’s shoulder to her waist, stopping for a second before continuing downwards. A curious hand slips back into Freya’s lace underwear. It’s much easier to satisfy the witch now that there were no clothing getting in the way. She notices Freya’s gotten considerably wetter since before and smirks to herself, entering two fingers straight into Freya. She pumps slowly at first, doesn’t want it to hurt Freya, but Freya doesn’t even notice. She’s too caught up in the moment, too caught up in the bursts of absolute ecstasy erupting inside her. She rides along to let Keelin reach deeper, intensifying the throbbing she feels between her thighs. The sensation builds and builds and builds, until with one final thrust, Freya cries out Keelin’s name, coming undone in her arms. She’s trembling as she grips onto Keelin, whimpering as the fireworks in her belly prick at her every nerve. Keelin slows her fingers down to a gradual stop while her eyes stay fixed on the woman before her. There’s a slight sheen of sweat on Freya’s forehead and Keelin grins.

‘All warmed up?’ she teases, chuckling when Freya shoves her lightly in response.

Her playful grin fades into a loving smile as she watches Freya curl into her embrace, breaths still heavy from her orgasm. Reaching behind Freya for one of the blankets, she gently tugs the cloth over Freya’s shoulders, wrapping her still naked form to protect her from the chilly night.

‘I told you you’re better at this,’ Freya murmurs against her chest.

‘Hm?’ Keelin looks down at the crown of her head, puzzled.

‘Taking care of me.’

She can’t help her lips curving into a smile and pulls Freya even closer, whispering into her ear.

‘Like I said, you do things to me Freya Mikaelson.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should this be the end?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Thank you so much for reading the fic, I hope you all enjoyed it. Feel free to drop me any prompts you might have and I'll try to pick out and write the ones that stand out to me. Have a great day!


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